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13 October 2018

Friendship is Hard

I'm not good at this friendship thing.

I find it hard to make friends and harder to keep them.

It's like when I popped into being, something was missing. Something that made making friends - and keeping them - easier for other people and near impossible for me.

I feel like a large part of it is down to me. I'm awkward around people, I'm quiet, I can sometimes put on a facade and appear confident and outgoing, but I definitely am not. Unless I push myself I am cripplingly quiet and easily overwhelmed. I'm rather like a wilting wallflower.

When I do make friends, it's like I change. Once I'm comfortable around someone I love to talk to them. There's so much chatter and back and forth, sharing your life with friends is an incredible thing.

Then I fall back into my old ways and hang back, and listen rather than talk. And then the drifting starts and the silence and it's quiet again and I realise that I got so comfortable that I forgot to work at it.

But yeah, friendship is hard. But I love my friends so much, and I just have to remind myself to keep working it it.

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